Hysterectomy: H is for Hell

When I was 31 I had a hysterectomy. Little did I know that my quality of life would change drastically along with it. At age 54, I suffer from depression, chronic fatigue, and have absolutely no desire for sex. Actually, I lost the desire for sex immediately after the surgery. I feel like an emotional zombie, or dead woman walking. I don't discuss this part of it with friends and family. I don't want them to pity me. However, I have discussed hysterectomy and the problems associated with it with my daughter and one of my sister-in-laws who were comtemplating having a hysterectomy. The best way that I can summarize the feeling of hysterectomy to them and to the reader is afterwards your body will feel alien to you. HRT can never take the place of your natural hormones or your sexual organs. My daughter opted out of having the surgery, but my sister-in-law had a partial hysterectomy sparing her ovaries. I'm not sure this is any better than having a total hysterectomy but it's too late for her now. Of course, I will never say this to her face, especially after the fact. Why make a person feel terrible about what can't be reversed? In my case, I had had lower back pain for about 8 years previous to my surgery and complained about it to my gynecologist. He said it was nothing, saying that I was young and healthy. I was 110 pounds at the time and he'd always praise me about the great physical shape that I was in. When I began bleeding during sex and having 2 periods a month I became alarmed. It felt as if my vagina was growing together inside. Sex was all but impossible. I sought a second opinion. This doctor told me that I had endometriosis and surgery was the only option for me. We must remember this was before laser surgery became popular. (I had heard they were beginning to use laser surgery in California but I didn't have the means to go there.) I went back to my regular doctor who was all but speechless when I told him. How couldn't he have seen this? Because of the type of insurance that I had at the time, I let him perform the hysterectomy. He told me that he would try and save my ovaries, so I signed the consent form and went into the surgery feeling optimistic. Afterwards, his partner came out to tell me that they hadn't been able to save my ovaries. I was disappointed but wasn't to realize the full impact of his words until after my recuperation. I was told the endometriosis had attached itself to my kidneys, but luckily for me I was able to use them. For years afterwards, other gynecologists would ask me who did the surgery. Apparently, I was a mess inside. Lately, I've begun to have a lot of groin pain which I think could be scar tissue. I'm having difficulty getting a doctor to do an exploratory. It's not that I want one, but need to know where this pain is coming from. Anyway, I'm writing this to discourage women from having hysterectomies before exploring their options. Hysterectomy is never the right choice unless your condition is life threatening. Be sure to get a second and even third oppinion. As many as it takes to assure you that you're doing the right thing. I am currently researching alternative therapies for hormone replacement, and have been off HRT for 6 months. I'm even more miserable than I was on HRT. I'm hoping for a healthier alternative then horse urine. But as of this writing, I may have to go back to HRT in order to function at all. I've been to doctors for sleep deprivation, depression, and fatigue, to name a few, only to finally come to the conclusion it's all because of my body's lack of natural hormones that I was born with.